Who am I?
This is a question I have been asking myself a lot lately. To be completely honest, I’m not sure I know the answer, and I don’t think I ever well. The process of discovering ME will be life long. A deep self discovery that may never finish. Unfolding the layers of my inner being until what is left? What is at the root? Who is underneath all these masks?
We project all these different selves throughout our life. In one situation we may act completely differently than in another. But what if we tried to integrate that? Join together our different selves to become one integrated whole. Be unapologetically ME. What would that feel like?
It can be frightening to actually be yourself. That fear of acceptance and judgement can be almost crippling. But once you get past that fear and you get onto the other side, there is a sense of freedom and weightlessness. No longer having to hide who you really are, you are free from the expectations and the need to be what others want you to be.
Being yourself may be the best and most difficult thing you will ever do.
You may be thinking right now, “But, how can I be anything but me?”. And that is certainly a valid question. But have you ever really watched yourself. Watched what you say to others, how you act, or what clothes you wear? When you make those decisions, how often are you actually thinking about yourself? Most likely, you are thinking about what others will think, how others will react. We spend so much time thinking about other people and what they will think about us, that we lose our true selves. Suddenly, you’re not doing what you actually WANT, you are doing what you think you are SUPPOSED TO DO.
How many people are there in the world who are working in a dead end job that they hate or who studied a subject in college because it was what their parents wanted? It is so easy to get lost in expectations and the fear of fitting in.
But what if you just didn’t care anymore? What if you just did whatever your heart and soul was telling you to do? What would that feel like? What would you do? Who would you be?
I’ve spent a lot of time looking in the mirror and wondering who is staring back at me. Is this really me? Is this who I want to be? Now I am not saying that I am completely myself now, I get lost in the expectations of others far more frequently then I would like to admit. But I am taking those steps to becoming ME. I am taking those steps to being who I truly want to be, and not what I think I am supposed to be.
And I have to say, it feels amazing.
